Sunday, August 8, 2010

O.K. I'm a little D.R.U.N.K.

I'm a little drunk tonight.

Maybe not a little - maybe a lot.

My little love Gabi, my little dog that I've had for the last 10 years is ill.

Very ill.

Like they've taken her spleen and one of her kidney's ill.

And they still don't know what exactly is wrong with her ill.

I've had her since I was single and she landed on my door step.  Someone had starved her and dumped her in the park across the street from where I lived to die.  And of course she found her way to my front door and I had to keep her.

She was in my bed before my husband (he has her side of the bed now).

She keeps me company when he's out of town.

She's the reason why I don't freak out at every little sound in the house.

She's the reason why my blood pressure isn't sky high.

Even the cat misses her (she's in the hospital right now and the cat is freaked out).

I love this little dog (maybe not so little - she weighs 40+ pounds and has pitbull in her).

I rub her belly and everything is o.k. in her world and in mine.

She's so sweet.

Look at that face.  How can you deny it?

I'm shattered.

I don't know if I've done the right thing in having the vet take her spleen on Tuesday and her kidney today.

Am I prolonging her life because I'm being selfish and I need her in my life?

They don't know if it's cancer and if it's not they think she can have a full recovery.

But I'm putting her through so much.  She's had 2 major surgeries in the 6 days.  I don't want her to be in pain, but I want to give her every opportunity.

For her sake and mine.

I love this little dog.  She's been with me through so much - being married, living in the hell that's known as London, living in Dubai - which while it's not hell but it's half way there.

I know that she's "just a dog" but anyone who's had a dog as a part of the family knows they worm their way into your heart and it's like losing a member of the family.

And I worry that I'm trying to extend her life past what is good for her, just because I need her so much.

I'm so sad.

I wish we were in the US where she would have better care.

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