Poems and Thoughts

Today the Vet called me.  He wanted to see how I was doing.

It made me cry a little.

Again.

I put together an album of my photos of Gabi over the years - but I can't finish it until I find the photos of her in her princess costume.

Yeah - I went a little overboard sometimes.

I dressed her for halloween.

And just because.

I don't care what my husband said...she enjoyed it!

Anyway, I wanted a nice poem or a quote to add to the album (it's digital to be printed by Mac).

And I came across these:

"Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.

John Galsworthy

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The one best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master.

Ben Hur Lampman
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I Remember

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning
and say "Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

Author unknown

It's a quite, quite house today.

I came home from work today (yes I went in because I had a client meeting).

And the house was empty.

No barking to announce my arrival.

No wiggling mass of goo happy at my arrival home.

Nothing.

I'm sitting in "our" chair.

Alone.

I know she'd been gone a lot in the past week but I was visiting her and calling to check up on her.  So she was still driving the actions in my life.

Now nothing.

There's no one to call, nothing to do to try and make her life easier.

Nothing.

The Story of Gabi (Feb 2000 - August 11, 2010) - My Favorite Memories

One day in August of 2000, about a month after I lost my previous dog (Eddie) to a hit and run driver, my neighbor stopped by my house.  She had just finished her walk with her dog and was returning my sweater she had borrowed.

And right behind her was this cute little brown puppy.  I thought she was dog sitting and I started cooing over the cute little puppy and when I went down to pet her my neighbor shouted,

"NOOOO! DON'T TOUCH HER!"

I jumped back and said "Why?!".

"Because she's not with me! She followed us from the park where someone dumped her off.  I can't take care of her, do you want her?"

I said, "No, it's only been a month since Eddie died - I'm just now getting his stuff together to take to the shelter".

She left, but the dog didn't follow her, she stayed and laid down outside my door, which I shut because I was not ready for another dog.

That lasted about 10 whole minutes.  I couldn't stand it, she was so cute and pathetic looking.  So I opened the door and called her in, fed her watered her and told my sister that she was taking her into the vet the next day because I had to work.

That is how Gabi came into my life, became my companion, my baby, my center.

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What a happy, gentle dog.

She hated eating alone.  I would pour her food out in the morning, but she wouldn't eat it until I got home at night.  Even then she would take a mouthful of tiny bite food (she didn't like the big nuggets) drop them at my feet wherever I happened to be in the house, then daintily eat a few nuggets at a time.  It took her forever to finish her bowl of food.

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Gabi loved the park, she would get so excited for our daily walks that she would spin in circles.

On the bed.

On top of me.

At 5:30 AM.  

Every. Single. Morning.

And Lord did she loved the water.  The park where we walked (the one she was found in) had a Bayou where she'd swim and chase the fish.  She would run down sloped concrete sides barking at the fish, then take a running jump into the water trying to catch them.  The first few times she did that it scared the crap out of me.  She got some serious air when she jumped into the water.

Sometimes I'd have to go down to the water and grab her halter and haul her out because she didn't want to leave.

Amazing considering the fact that I had to push her into the water the first few times she got in.  Not a very good doggy mama thing to do!  Oops!

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Fish.

Gabi loved fish.

Not eating them, that wasn't her thing - although she did like caviar.

She did like chasing them, but that wasn't her favorite thing about fish either.

What she liked to do with fish, what she LOVED to do fish, didn't happen until after they died.

Yep that's right, she loved a dead fish.

Guess what she did with the dead fish.

She rolled in them.  AARRGGHH!

I can't tell you how many times I was late to work because I had to give her a bath in order to get the rotted fish off her before we went into the house.

She had to be one of the cleanest, nicest smelling dogs in neighborhood because I had to wash the rot off her at least once a week.

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My little love muffin had one of the best personalities.  She even won over my husband, who unbeknownst to me at the time, didn't particularly care for dogs.  He'd been bitten as a child.  He said he didn't tell me because he knew who would win in a him or Gabi scenario.

Smart man.

But she won him over.  He said she was so sweet and had such an expressive face and cool personality that he totally fell in love with her.

He even stopped trying to keep her out of the bed.  We would tell her to get down and make her lay on her own bed next to ours.  But she would just wait until we fell asleep then hop up.

Finally one night he said, "Just bring her up with us she'll end up in the bed anyway".  I just grinned.

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One of Gabi's favorite indoor activities was having her belly scratched.  I think that's really what won my husband over.  He couldn't resist the cuteness she exuded when she would jump up on the couch, sit up like a gopher then lean back until she was either propped up on the arm of chair or against us.

That way we could have easy access to her belly.

So we could scratch it.

Without stopping.

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I loved that little dog.  I had her for 10 years and it seems like I only had her for a minute, but it feels like I had her forever.

She moved to London with us then to Dubai.

And she'll be coming back to America with us too, but in our hearts, not in our hands.

I had to have her put down today.  She was in too much pain and I couldn't put her through it anymore.

She looked at me, she knew.  I knew.  And it was peaceful.

But man am I sad.

Scratch my belly PLEASE!

Feelin' Groovy

This entire week I've had this overwhelming feeling of dread.

A constant sick feeling in my stomach.

Waking up in the middle of the night trying to figure out what was wrong, what was missing.

Half asleep asking myself, "Where is Gabi?".

Then remembering.

Oh.

Yeah.

She's at the vet.

Crap.

So everyday I visit.

I call two, three times a day.

Everyone knows me by sight now.

"Oh it's Gabi's Mom, go get the Doctor" (I have no name at the vet).

Well, today the Doctor called me at work to give me an update on her condition.

Good news - her blood count is up from 16 to 23, it's suppose to be around 45, but it's increasing rapidly so he's not worried.

Her kidney function is in normal range - which he said was surprising considering she's had two major surgeries in the past 6 days which left her with one kidney.

The best news of all... she can come home!

But we still don't have the biopsy results from her spleen and kidney.  They had to send that off to South Africa.

Third world country you know.

And people here don't really give a crap about animals, so off to SA pet testing goes.

Anyway, on my way to pick her up I was thinking about how sad I felt and how I missed my husband and I figured I'd spend the evening wallow in the bed or sitting on the couch staring into space.

Because, well, I've got this overwhelming feeling of doom hanging over me.

And that's what you do when you have doom.

I walk in to the vet - and I get the regular shout out... "Hi Gabi's Mom!" (I'm resigned to the fact they will never know MY name).

I collect my little dog with all her medicine and instructions on how "calm" I have to keep her for the next two weeks.

And I can't believe how much more alert and happy she is.  She even sat up for the whole car ride home looking out the window like she usually does.  And she was wiggling in joy around me.

The last time I took her to the vet she didn't even raise her head from the car seat, much less sit up.

My mood starts improving.

Then we get home, I change then sit in "our" chair.  It's the chair Gabi and I hang out in during the evenings.  I'm scratching her back, rubbing her belly, massaging her feet...AAANNNDD

I realize that I'm happy.

All the way to the bone happy.

No doom and gloom, no sick feeling.

Just happy.

All is right in my world.

Tonight at least.

It doesn't get any better than this...

Well without my husband home it doesn't get any better than this.

With him home it would be perfect.

O.K. I'm a little D.R.U.N.K.

I'm a little drunk tonight.

Maybe not a little - maybe a lot.

My little love Gabi, my little dog that I've had for the last 10 years is ill.

Very ill.

Like they've taken her spleen and one of her kidney's ill.

And they still don't know what exactly is wrong with her ill.

I've had her since I was single and she landed on my door step.  Someone had starved her and dumped her in the park across the street from where I lived to die.  And of course she found her way to my front door and I had to keep her.

She was in my bed before my husband (he has her side of the bed now).

She keeps me company when he's out of town.

She's the reason why I don't freak out at every little sound in the house.

She's the reason why my blood pressure isn't sky high.

Even the cat misses her (she's in the hospital right now and the cat is freaked out).

I love this little dog (maybe not so little - she weighs 40+ pounds and has pitbull in her).

I rub her belly and everything is o.k. in her world and in mine.

She's so sweet.

Look at that face.  How can you deny it?

I'm shattered.

I don't know if I've done the right thing in having the vet take her spleen on Tuesday and her kidney today.

Am I prolonging her life because I'm being selfish and I need her in my life?

They don't know if it's cancer and if it's not they think she can have a full recovery.

But I'm putting her through so much.  She's had 2 major surgeries in the 6 days.  I don't want her to be in pain, but I want to give her every opportunity.

For her sake and mine.

I love this little dog.  She's been with me through so much - being married, living in the hell that's known as London, living in Dubai - which while it's not hell but it's half way there.

I know that she's "just a dog" but anyone who's had a dog as a part of the family knows they worm their way into your heart and it's like losing a member of the family.

And I worry that I'm trying to extend her life past what is good for her, just because I need her so much.

I'm so sad.

I wish we were in the US where she would have better care.

My life

Is  a bit up in the air right now - I don't really want to talk about it because I think it'll jinx the outcome.

Superstitious much?

If it doesn't go well I'll be crushed.

So thinking positive, happy, healing, thoughts.

Please feel free to join in.

My poor little dog...

My furbaby.

The little love of my life...well not exactly that little, she weighs about 45lbs.

She is a bit of a chunk, I thought I had a photo of her on this computer to show you, but I don't.

Anyway, Friday morning at about 4am I wake up to a terrible noise.

Gabi is throwing up.

So I hop out of bed and flick the light on and what do I see?!

Blood.

Two big puddles of blood.

So of course I freak out throw on some street clothes, wake up my husband, and then run downstairs to get the emergency number for the vet.

I call, then look at my phone in confusion to check the number, then call again.

Guess what?!  The SOB who's suppose to be on call has switched off his / her phone.

I couldn't believe it!

So I proceed to look up every emergency vet in Dubai and then start calling.

Someone must have an emergency back up that's actually answering their phones right?!

Wrong.

I called every number I could find in Dubai, Sharjah and even some in Abu Dhabi.  Not one FRICKEN person had their phone turned on or if they did they didn't answer it.

So we had to wait until the vet opened.

At 9am.

So we're waiting and Gabi throws up again.  More blood.

And she's looking so pathetic.

And I'm getting really pissed off.

So 8:30 rolls around and we take off for the vet.  About 8:45 a woman calls me and says she had a missed call did we have an emergency?

I'm like YES!  Why didn't you answer your phone? 

She tells me that it's her personal number and that she has a personal life.

I'm like really!?  If you put your number out there you should answer it! 

She starts whining that she can't be on call all the time so I hang up on her.

Correct me if I'm wrong but if you don't want to take a call on your "personal" time - don't post your damn number on the internet next to the phrase, "For emergencies call...".

I guess if you're too stupid to realize that, I don't really want you looking at my dog anyway.

Then about 9:00 another guy calls my phone and says - I have a missed call, do you have an emergency? 

Yes, as a matter of fact I do, my dog has been puking blood since 4 am - but since no one answered the emergency lines and it's now 9am we're at the vet.

No thanks to you. 

Then I hung up on that guy too.

So I leave my poor little dog at the vet and the vet calls me later and says - she seems to be fine, it's most likely just an ulcer - you can come pick her up.  If she has any more problems we'll do additional checks.

I'm like HELL NO! - you need to have a look inside her stomach or do an ultra sound or something to make sure she's not riddled with tumors (she just had one removed). SHE WAS PUKING COPIOUS AMOUTS OF BLOOD!

Why am I the only one who sees this as a problem?

Anyway, it did end up being an ulcer - but there are so many other things it could have been and I am so not one of those people who believe it leaving something until it really becomes a problem.

Like on what planet is puking up puddles of blood not a problem?!

Anyway, when there is a problem (as defined by me) I want a definitive answer as to what is wrong, and then I want to know how to treat it and then get on with treatment.

I'm not into the UK way of solving problems.  Wait until the person, animal, plant, dies because it'll be cheaper in the long run, 'cause then all you have to do is bury the problem.

Literally.

So needless to say, the vets here are nothing like the ones back home.

I mean after all one of the vets here wanted to amputate Gabi's leg because she has arthritis.

Sounds like a good treatment to me...

Oh she's limping - let's amputate.

Good call!

If you know me you can hear the sarcasm dripping off my tongue.  If you don't, just imagine the most sarcastic person you've ever heard speaking.

Anyway my little noodle is back home, snoozing with her tongue hanging out.

Life is good again.

Summer

It's getting hot again - 10am 107F.

Every time I check or discuss the weather I think of my Grandmother.  She's the one who sucked me into watching and talking about the weather. 

When she was alive she would always keep track of the weather where I lived and I would keep track where she lived in Richmond and it was always one of the topics of conversation when we spoke.

And we talked a lot - at least 3 times a week!

I miss her...

New Camera!

I have a new Camera!

It's the Cannon SX210.

I've been dinking around with it today - it takes fish photos!

Or fish face photos or something like that - anyway here is Gabi!

She looks like a seal!

I don't know how photographers take these photos head on - Gabi didn't want to look at me to take this photo - this was the best I could do.

I took some of the hubby too but I think he'd kill me if I posted them - but they are super funny!

Anyway I can't wait to go on vacation with this little point and shoot it seems like it'll do a lot.

So exciting!

Exciting News!

My furbaby does not have the big C.

She had surgery last week to remove a tumor and it was benign!

How exciting is that!?

In other news - I feel like crap.  I didn't go to work yesterday and I'm most likely going to leave early today.

I hate feeling like this - I feel like I'm being lazy.  Even though I'm miserable and don't want to do anything but lay in bed.  I feel like I shouldn't be laying in bed.

I feel like I should suck it up - which is why I'm at work today.

I'm sucking it up.

bleh.

I'm also in charge of planning a baby shower.  I hate feeling like crap when I need to do something like that - I get scared that I'll forget something and ruin the special day for the guest of honor.

Now I need to find a cake place here in Dubai that can do an American cake decorated for a baby shower.

ciao,.

I just had to share this...

My Grandfather fought in WWII in the Battle of the Bulge. 

http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1753.html

It was cold and miserable and he use to tell me that Americans had no idea how close we came to losing this battle.  I was about 16 or 17 when he told me about it.  Still in High School, I was writing a paper on WWII and Pop Pop was my source.   My only source.

I got an 'A'.

He had been in WWII for a few years and during the Battle he captured a couple of Germans.  I remember he told me that the only reason why he captured them was because he got his gun up before they got theirs up.

He had literally stumbled upon them in the woods while he was on patrol.  He said they didn't give him any problems because they were starving and freezing to death in the cold winter air.

Basically my Grandfather said they were young and miserable and happy to surrender because the Americans made sure they had warm clothes and were fed.  And Germans couldn't get supplies to their soldiers so they were starving and freezing to death.

My Grandfather brought home spoils of war - a German saber, a few rings, and one of those 3-D photograph things where you put the slide in front of the glasses to see the photo in 3-D.  Too bad everything was lost over the years. 

I actually think my history teacher kept the 3-D photo thing when I brought it in to show along with my paper.  There were a ton of photos of Hitler - my Grandfather had "liberated" them from a German schoolhouse.

Anyway until the day he died he held a grudge against the Germans - nothing he ever owned came from Germany - or from Japan for that matter.  I guess some things you never get over.

My Grandmother told me that one of his spoils of war was a big Swaskia flag. 

Yep he brought one of those home with him from the war.

She told me he put it on the floor of his work shed so that he could walk on it everyday. 

Every. Single. Day. 

Until it disintegrated.  

Into teeny tiny pieces.

She told me it took years for it to disintegrate. 

The story / joke below reminded me of him when I read it.  I'm not sure if it's true or a joke, to be quite honest French customs officers have never been this nasty to me.  But it could be.

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.  At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.."

The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"

The American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."


You could have heard a pin drop.

I miss my Grandfather - and now that I'm older there are so many questions I'd ask him. But I am thankful that I was somewhat wise as a 16 year old because I use to sit and hang out with him at least 2 or 3 times a week.

I'll always treasure those memories.

Mornings are for Mules...

Yeah I know it makes no sense, but what does first thing in the morning. 

I am not a morning person.

My husband is. 

Can you feel the tension already?

He chatters in the morning - non-stop.

While I do everything in my power not to kill him.

Not really.

But yeah - really.

How can one function without coffee? How can he be so chipper in the morning?

How on God's Green Earth did I marry a morning person?!

My Brother

I talked to my brother and his Mom this morning.  I always love talking to him even though he says like the same five things over and over again every time I talk to him.  Sandra (his Mom) said everything is going really well over in their neck of the woods and that they went to see Lion King in Alaska.  Apparently Art and Erica were so enthralled they were quiet the entire show (Aside from the laughing and clapping).  It was a great start to my day hearing how much fun they had.

We're going on vacation on Friday to Istanbul - I'm more looking forward to not being at work than I am about seeing Istanbul.  But it will be fun and most importantly the beds at the W are suppose to be very, very, comfortable.

I love sleeping and wallowing in a comfortable bed.

LOVE IT! 

I have special wallow time sheduled every Friday morning - my husband even leaves me alone until it's finished...

There is nothing like lying in the bed knowing that you don't have to get up and you don't have to be anywhere anytime soon. My sheets are perfect - 800 thread count Egyptian cotton (my favorites that I bought at TJ Maxx - gotta love the Maxx). My bed is a Sterns and Foster pillow top with a Sterns and Foster mattress pad. It's the ultimate in comfort. 

I live for Friday mornings...

I haven't talked to my sister in a week or so - which makes me worry.  Especially now that she's lost another job.  I hope she gets her shit together soon and doesn't do anything stupid.

R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., Hey Yeah, Rocking in the USA...  - this is what is going through my head right now...sad.
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O.K. it's a bit later in the day and I have a sick feeling in my stomach regarding the health care bill.  You know who is going to be paying out their eyeballs for it...middle class.  People like me - we'll never be able to save enough for retirement and we'll end up eating generic dog food that was tossed out...

While living in a cardboard box...

While still working because I won't be able to afford the cardboard box without a job... 

I'll be 80 and working 50 hours weeks just to pay for health care for "the poor". 

I cannot stand government who wants to take my hard earned dollars out of my pocket and put it into either their pocket or someone they think is more deserving. 

I should have been a teenage mother.  Then I wouldn't be worried about my pocketbook or retirement.  I would just need to keep voting Democrats into office.

Haven't they heard of the Public Health Clinic.  We used that when I was a kid and we didn't have any money or insurance.  It worked out just fine - got my shots, got my dental work, was able to even get gyn exams and birth control.  I used the PHC until I was well into my 20's. 

But no - we can't send more funding to them - we have to overhaul the entire system. 

ARGH!

America is still the best country on the face of the earth.  The Democrats are just hippies.