Marriage Counseling Anyone?!

I was just passed this article from the Gulf News. And nope it's not an article from the 20's it's an article from November 1, 2009.

Yep - November 1, 2009. Not 1920, 2009.

Here is the link to the article:http://gulfnews.com/news/gulf/uae/crime/official-stresses-need-for-marital-reconciliation-1.521633

It's nice to know there are such progressive thoughts in the world. I'll have to keep this in mind when dealing with my husband.

I need to be careful not to exhibit "bizarre behavior" such as not being responsive to his needs. Lord knows I don't want to be divorced because I didn't bring my husband a glass of water in an appropriate amount of time.

I also do not want to incur my husband's displeasure and have him impose the terrifying "gradual edifying reconciliation method" to discipline me. After all I wouldn't want him to "whip" me "gently" in order to make me understand the "situation".

By understanding the situation I assume he means "help me" understand that not salting my husband's food appropriately is such an egregious error that I must be whipped for it.

Gently of course.

I mean really! Can you believe this?!

This is a real honest to God article in one of the 2 major newspapers here in the UAE.

Divorce is apparently granted to men on the grounds of lax service, bad cooking, and one guy was even granted a divorced because his wife interrupted his football game.

Really?!

And the advice the guy gives in his column - by the way he's suppose to be a marriage counselor with the courts - is to not sleep in the same room as your wife to correct her behavior.

Because clearly if the wife is not waiting on him hand and foot properly, she needs to be corrected.  A man should never be required to get off his fat ass to get his own water, or salt his own food.

That would be unreasonable.

Clearly.

Men are obviously incompetent and unable to look after themselves.

And if a man's wife is not taking care of him properly, AND if punishing her by sleeping in a separate room doesn't work, then according to this guy the husband is obligated to "gently whip" his wife so she can see the error of her ways.

I'd like to see my husband try to "gently whip" me. Especially for not bringing him his glass of water in a timely manner.

I'd hurt him.

This guy is either not married or he beats his wife.  If he's not married I don't think he will be anytime soon with this kind of view on marriage.

Oh and by the way did I mention that this article is in the crime section of the news?

USA! USA! USA!

Counseling Article from November 1, 2009

I've put the article here in case it cannot be accessed - I've copied and pasted it straight from the article on the gulfnews website.

Official stresses need for marital reconciliation

The counsellor strongly cautioned husbands and wives against exploiting the right to divorce which he described as "destructive to families and children and leads to shortcomings which negatively impacts the society"

By Bassam Za'za', Senior Reporter, Gulf News

Published: 00:00 November 1, 2009

Abdul Aziz Al HammadiImage Credit: SuppliedDubai: A wife was divorced because she telephoned her husband while he watched football, another because she was late to bring a glass of water to her husband and a third was divorced because she used extra salt in food.

These are cases which were described as "silly and childish" by Abdul Aziz Al Hammadi, a marriage counsellor at Dubai Courts' Family Guidance and Reconciliation Section.

"Sharia Courts herein and across the Arab countries have been witnessing cases of husbands divorcing their wives over ridiculous and impractical reasons … some husbands are abusing the religious right to divorce by terrorising and bullying wives and threatening them with divorce over [the] silliest reasons. This is [unacceptable] in Islam and Sharia. Divorce is not a game to fool around with and destroy a family. It is not just a simple word that a husband or a wife should spell out in a recreational or entertaining manner. Divorce, in Islam, is limited to a set of laws and rules. It is a huge responsibility and liability for the man and the woman. When husbands or wives claim divorce they should be seriously aware of their demand because its aftermath is what counts," said Al Hammadi in a presentation about divorce titled "Divorce between compassion and mishandling".

He strongly cautioned husbands and wives against exploiting the right to divorce which he described as "destructive to families and children and leads to shortcomings which negatively impacts the society" when he addressed a conference titled "Sons of Divorce, Where To?" at Al Ittihad Women Association in Sharjah.

Counselling

According to Sharia, a husband is counselled to adopt a civilised and productive method and to be responsible and patient before divorcing.

"We call that ... the gradual edifying reconciliation method … whenever a husband notices a bizarre behaviour from his wife, he can advise her, then avoid sleeping with her in one room and if that doesn't work out then he can whip her gently in a manner that makes her understand the situation.

"A woman can also claim divorce because her rights, dignity and self-esteem are protected and respected by Sharia. Divorce is a big responsibility. Eventually a couple should consider the religious, educational, cultural, emotional and social outcomes before pursuing ... divorce," said Al Hammadi.

A husband or wife should consider reconciliation and settlement before heading to a Sharia court for divorce, Al Hammadi concluded.

The State of the Union

Well, I just read the State of the Union.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0110/32111.html

And I have to say it was a very nice speech.

However.

Reading it I was struck by the fact that when Obama says:


"Next, we need to encourage American innovation. Last year, we made the largest investment in basic research funding in history – an investment that could lead to the world’s cheapest solar cells or treatment that kills cancer cells but leaves healthy ones untouched. And no area is more ripe for such innovation than energy. You can see the results of last year’s investment in clean energy – in the North Carolina company that will create 1200 jobs nationwide helping to make advanced batteries; or in the California business that will put 1,000 people to work making solar panels."

"It lives on in the struggling small business owner who wrote to me of his company, “None of us,” he said, “…are willing to consider, even slightly, that we might fail.”"

"It lives on in the woman who said that even though she and her neighbors have felt the pain of recession, “We are strong. We are resilient. We are American.”"

There are no references.  Not to a specific person, company, or even White House website where I can look up the various companies who are benefiting from the stimulus package.  Now I know I can go to 

http://www.recovery.gov/Pages/home.aspx 

to look up the progress.  But I have a feeling he doesn't want to point anyone to it because the numbers are so tiny.  We've spent about a trillion dollars and only 640,00 jobs were saved?!

Reading the State of the Union it seems to suggest so much more.  My opinion is that the government is hemorrhaging money.  And I'm guessing that a good bit of it gets eaten up by bureaucracy.  

For example, one of the biggest recipients of the aid is CH2M Hill at 1.3 million, I'm sure they need the money.  And from the description of the project they need it for transportation and disposal of hazardous waste.  This is something that would normally be funded by the government.  So really were the jobs saved?  Or did a government project get funded by the stimulus instead of funds from the EPA?  Its creative accounting.  Shifting the cost of doing business from one department - the EPA - to another - Recovery.  

Government is too expensive.  And Obama wants to make it more so.  There is no room for innovation or streamlining processes when you work for the government because everything has to go through 10 people to be approved or considered.  That's one of the reasons why I'm so against socializing medicine.

Healthcare quality will suffer and we'll have the same problems the UK have.  All the money will got to "administration" and none will filter down to the doctors and hospitals. Doctors will be laid off like postal workers in the States, housekeeping will be sub-standard, and the patients will suffer.

Anyway since they are spending my money. I want less government and more free market movement.  


Capitalism.  I love it.

America.  Love it too.

Bliss

Can I just say I spent the evening experiencing bliss?

One of my good friends gave me a massage / facial for my birthday.

And I went last night to enjoy my gift, and it was pure bliss.

I feel asleep about 3 times - and woke myself up snoring...

Or maybe that was Gabi because I'm a delicate flower, and everyone knows delicate flowers don't snore.

She must have snuck into the massage room.

From our house.

All by herself.

Man I have a smart dog!

This morning I'm all nice and loose and I feel ggggoooodddd.

Drinking my coffee. 

My tastee coffee.

The only way this morning would be better is if I didn't have to work.

And I was either wallowing in my bed (which as you all know I love to do).

Or

If I were at a cafe with my husband, with a small knosh and my coffee.

The morning is still pretty good, even if I am at work.

Bliss.

A Comment

I got a comment last night on my post about spanking. Now I never really thought anyone would read my blog except my friend SP. And really, as busy as she is with her kids, job, and husband, I'm not even sure she has the time to look at it, although she did follow. Thank you SP!

Anyway this was the comment:

"There are still kids who get spanked like me at 13. My parents punish me on the week end for all what I done during the week. I get 40-50 belt or cord. On bare butt and legs. What is very bad, that my classmates tease me cos I always wear shorts to school and they see my marks and call me baby. Did you have similar problems as a kid?"

Now I'm not sure if this is a real 13 year old or if this is from someone being an ass. But if it is from a real 13 year old my question is, where do you live? Meaning what country.

Because I'd like to think if you are in America going to school, in shorts, with visable welps from being beaten with a belt or cord weekly your teachers would have called child services.

If you are in America and your teachers have not called child services - let me say this to you...call 911.

Tell them what is going on because seriously you are being beaten not spanked. And there is a world of difference between the two. What I was talking about is spanking, which leaves no lasting physical marks. It just makes a point. A very good point that the behavior in question is not acceptable.

As the post has a bit of broken English in it, "What is very bad, that my..." I'm leaning toward the thought that you must be in another country like India, Mexico, etc... where beating your kids is O.K.

And if that is the case - sweetie I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you to do. The only thing I can say is that one day soon you will be an adult and free from your parents house. Or that hopefully one day you will be big enough physically that they will be scared to hit you.

But to answer your question if that happened to me when I was a child. No. I was not beaten as you are being beaten.

I was spanked, I was smacked, but there was never, ever, a mark or bruise left on me. And I was lucky enough that my parents cared enough to do it when I needed it, but not cross the line into abuse. Because they could have easily as my parents were not by any stretch of the imagination what you would call good parents.

Anyway - if this was not a real comment and was from someone trying to make a point - I can write about whatever I want and give my opinion because this is my blog, my thoughts, my life.

Another Day, Another 50 Cents.

It feels like the weekend, but it's only Tuesday.

So there are two more days in the week.

Two (2).

I had a dream last night. Very weird dream.

I dreamed I was in the jungle chasing after people.

Then I swallowed a cat. Whole.

After I swallowed the cat I had dental floss in my teeth.

Then my husband woke me up.

And none of it makes any sense at ALL.

Maybe the cat part would because I have a cat. But the whole swallowing it whole? That does not make sense. And in the jungle?! I don't camp, so why the jungle?

I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with this dream.

Maybe subconsciously I'm being swallowed whole by all the bad things that are happening in the world?

Maybe the dental floss is my way of cleaning the bad things up?

Maybe I just didn't have enough coffee yesterday.

Spanking Your Kids

I like these articles:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/jan/10010507.html

http://www.usatoday.com/money/companies/management/2006-10-08-spanking-ceos-usat_x.htm

They confirm what I've always thought. Kids need to be spanked.

Not all the time.

But sometimes.

It's one of my pet peeves. Out of control kids, who are never spanked.

I was spanked and I think I turned out pretty good. And my parents were not by any stretch of the imagination good parents.

But the one thing they did right, spanking.

We learned our limits, we learned what behavior was acceptable in public.

And most importantly:

We learned to respect our elders.

Kids now a days will flip you the bird if you tell them to stop running in the mall.

I have a neighbor who can't figure out why her 13 year old won't listen to her. She has no follow through.

You can threaten all day long, but if you don't have any follow through you're just teaching your kid they don't have to listen to authority. They have a sense of entitlement, they flip off the police. They are very unpleasant to be around.

We haven't seen our niece or nephew in about 5 years because the in-laws don't believe in telling them no, much less spank them. As a result they are demon spawn. To the point the Montessori school their eldest was in when she was 5 told them they needed to do something about her.

A hippie Montessori school.

That should tell you something. That child needed her butt smacked in the worse possible way. She was so out of control. But her parents wouldn't do anything, so we won't go see them. At all.

When I was a kid these are the things that got us a spanking:

Talking back - that was a smack in the mouth. Needless to say we didn't do it, and it only took one smack in the mouth to learn that. Pretty simple huh. No yelling, no screaming, just one smack. No blood drawn, no bruises, just a simple smack that startled more than hurt.

Acting up in public - this included fighting with my sister. That was a smack on the butt. Bare butt if you didn't stop the first time you were told. Again - no bruises. It just stung and it was embarrassing. My mother didn't even do it in public, it was always when we got home. But it was embarrassing just the same.

Cussing - either a smack in the mouth if it was bad enough or my father would wash our mouths out with soap. Another good punishment. Doesn't hurt, just tastes nasty.

Lying - which was the worse thing you could do according to my father. If he caught you in a lie your butt was going to be red. I learned that if you do something wrong you admit it, take your punishment, make if better if you could, then move on.

A lot more people need to learn that lesson.

My father's opinion regarding liars - once you lied no one could ever trust you again. Same goes for cheaters. Never be a liar or a cheat he would say. No one will respect you.

And lord you better not come home having been spanked by the teacher in school. Because my parents knew that we were spanked for a reason. Not like parents today who freak out at the thought of their little angles being spanked by the teacher. My parents knew we did something wrong, and we better tell the truth about it because not only would we get spanked for being spanked in school, but we would get spanked for lying about it.

And when we turned about 8 years old we were sat down and told we were too old to spank. I think that's appropriate - by 8 you should know how to act in public and to your elders.

I'm all for spanking - kids today are hellions. They're like dogs - you have to train them before they are tolerable. If you don't train them don't bring them out in public because the only person who likes your children is you.

And if you don't train them don't blame society on the fact that they have problems socializing, have no friends, and that you are losing them. It's your fault.

Don't get me wrong I'm fully aware once a kid hits their teens they have a mind of their own - no matter how well they were brought up. I'm talking about kids, 13 and under. Although 13 may be pushing it.

I know what I was like when I hit 15.

On the surface all sweetness and light, underneath I was a little hellion. I snuck out of the house, had boyfriends in the house when my mother was gone. But I knew how to behave.

I knew how to say; Yes Sir, Yes Ma'm and the adults were for the most part pretty happy with me.

Not like kids today - it's all yeah ,what and grunts.

The only time I interact with children willingly is through friends I have with children. These are friends who actually have taken the time to raise their kids. I have quite a few friends with kids and without exception they are well behaved.

No matter how much I liked them - if their kids weren't behaving I couldn't spend time in their company. And if your friends have kids, and you want to keep those friends, you spend time with them both. And I have to say, my friends kids are fun. And I like them.

I hope that the more info that comes out in favor of spanking, kids are way the hell out of hand and people need to start to realize that the saying spare the rod spoil the child is true.

At the very least popping your kids once in a while would make eating in restaurants and shopping a much more pleasant experience for those of us who have chosen not to have them.

Weight Loss - Vacation - America

I started a weight loss blog yesterday.  This should be interesting.

I'll keep you posted if I meet my milestones.

We decided to go to Bo Phut Thailand for our beach holiday in April.

Very exciting. 

I love America.  When we move back I have a whole list of things I want to do.

The top of the list...

Finding a house to buy!

O.K. Really?!

When I read this I couldn't believe it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/retailandconsumer/7009900/Hotel-chain-offers-human-bed-warmers.html

Yep - it's what the link says - a HUMAN bed warmer.

O.K. ICK.

I know that many people sleep in hotel beds, I know that I can't be sure the sheets have been changed (but I do pull them back to make sure there is no hair in the bed).

But really, I don't want to crawl into bed, knowing that it is warm because some stranger was laying in it.

That grosses me out on EVERY SINGLE LEVEL.

Ladies and Gentlemen - I will NOT be staying at any hotel that thinks it's O.K. to have a person, dressed in an adult onesie, lay in my bed to warm it up before I get in it.

What do you do stand there and have a random conversation with the person in the bed? Then jump in when they crawl out? Because I can tell you my bed cools down pretty fast once I crawl out of it, so there must be an instantaneous switch so the sleeper can enjoy the warmth of the bed.

Can I say again ICK.

Jeez - how bored was this person when they thought this up? And clearly the person doesn't have hang ups. Neither did any of the people who supported this.

For anyone who has worked in a large company - this type of idea would have had to go up the chain of command and been approved at least 4 times before being implemented.

Who were these people who thought this was a good idea?!

This just killed my Friday bliss.

I need more coffee to get it back.

Really?! Lord. I'm adding a new label - WTF?

I'm Thinking Again!

I keep toying with the idea of having a weight loss blog.  I've lost about 7 pounds but just put 1 back on. 

When I write a goal down in my blog for some reason (most likely because I wrote it down) I follow through or I feel bad.

So I'm thinking that if I start an acutal blog and focus only on weight loss and excercise I might actually lose weight, excercise and keep it off. 

I'll decide this weekend.

Tomorrow is Friday...WALLOWING TIME!!!

He he he...

I love my Fridays.

The Republicans Won AGAIN!

Massachusetts voted a REPUBLICAN senator to replace Kennedy!  It's the first one they've had in 30 years.

And he's promised to vote AGAINST the healthcare reform.

Go Scott, Go Scott.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100120/ap_on_el_se/us_massachusetts_senate

First Virginia and New Jersey with their new Republican Governors - now Mass with their new Republican Senator. 

I don't think the Democrats are going to do so well in the elections this year.

Do you think Washington will listen now?  The majority of the populous do NOT want government subsidized healthcare.

It will only make things worse and cost us A LOT of money.  I cannot afford to pay more taxes and I do NOT want to live in a socialist country.

I'm an American.  I am a Capitalist.

And I am against the Heathcare bill.

Warm and Fuzzy

When I woke up this morning it was like a dream.  A loud obnoxious dream.

The phone was ringing - my sweet husband with my wake up call.

And the alarm was beeping.  Beep, beep, beep - Argh!  They should make an alarm that rubs your back and shakes you gently until you wake up.

And I thought I was dreaming it all.  Which I was (dreaming) but not about the noise.  No I was dreaming something about my legs disintegrating.  Weird, very weird.

But after I smacked off the alarm (with my eyes shut of course) and answered the phone I had a nice chat with my husband.

Who is in the land of milk and honey, eating at my favorite places (Goode Company) and shopping in my favorite mall (Galleria). 

And while we were chatting I was rubbing the dog's belly, wallowing in my sheets. 

Enjoying my bed.

Man I love my bed.

Three Chickens

When I lived in Atlanta I worked with a guy that was hilarious.  And one thing he use to say is "Three chickens in a bucket Fk it!". 

It means nothing, he would just randomly say it out loud.  Sometimes at inappropriate times. 

And I would laugh.

Well this morning that phrase is in my head.

I don't know why - but I can't get it out.  Maybe it will purge itself after I write this entry.

I wonder how hard he would laugh knowing that almost 15 years after the fact I still remember that phrase.

I wonder if he still remembers the phrase?

Sometimes I wonder if people who have moved out of my life remember random things about me 15 years after the fact?

And if so what are they remembering?

Ick

It's Sunday - which is Monday.

I'm not a fan of Mondays or Sundays when they masquerade as Mondays. 

It's the first day of the work week - in a job where we get nasty grams. 

Why can't people just be nice?  What a bad start to the day.

I have his ick feeling in my stomach because the first thing I read this morning was a you suck and didn't do your job so we're not going to pay you e-mail.

Never mind that I can prove we did our job.  Never mind that it's the lawyer's fault the client got into trouble.  I'll never figure it out, but somehow the lawyer was able to convince the client that it was our fault.  Even though the problem happened prior to our starting the engagement.

It just makes me want to wash my hands of the whole thing, flip the lawyer the bird, and file a claim with the small claims court and let them deal with it.  Of course it's not that simple here.

It's not at home either - but somehow I don't think I would have gotten such a nasty gram back home.

Ick.

On the bright side my coffee is good today.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Arabian Mocha Sanani - Extra Bold - I love you.

This coffee from Starbucks is the shiznitz.

The bag says it's "spicy and wine like".

I don't know about all that but I do know it's smooth and tastee.

And I LOVE my coffee.

What a great way to start the day.

Of course it's almost noon but hey it's Friday - which is Sunday - which means I spent the morning wallowing in the bed before I showered and came downstairs to make my breakfast and my coffee.

It's a good thing.

I'm going to sew today - then maybe I'll take a walk.

We'll see.

But first - I need to finish my coffee.

I like this:

Now, let me get this straight.....We are going to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes…all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?

~Anonymous

http://mjperry.blogspot.com/2010/01/quote-of-day.html

I'm thinking...I'm thinking...

Of adding a weight loss component to this blog.  Maybe it will help me kick start the loss. 

To decrease my curvature (word from my sewing teacher that I really like). 

I did lose some weight - I'm now in my fat pants, not my fat, fat pants.

So I'm thinking, I'm thinking....

Oh!  What are you 'sinking about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmOTpIVxji8

He he he!

Pros / Cons of Moving Back to America

I worry, I'm a worrier. The thing that I worry about with moving back to the US is that I won't get to see my husband, then our marriage will fall apart. Blah - I do not want that.

That is the only con to moving home.

The ONLY one.

But it's a big one - big enough to cancel out all the pros.

I must really love my husband because here are all the pros to moving home:

1. I can have my own house again (buy not rent).

2. I can see my friends easily - both those in Houston and those in other parts of the States.

3. I can do volunteer work.

4. I can join clubs that are meaningful for women.

5. I will be able to find a job more easily and be compensated properly - even in the middle of a recession.

6. I'll get paid on time.

7. I'll have a career track if I want one or I can work contract - my choice.

8. I don't need my husband's permission for anything.

9. I'm protected if anything happens to my husband - our assets will go to me not his father.

10. Easier to exercise - well it may not be easier in reality, but for some reason psychologically it's easier.

11. Better healthcare.

12. I can take a wider range of classes - i.e. felt making.

13. My sister is near.

14. It's America - even if Obama is trying to turn it into a socialist society.

So yeah I really, really love my husband - because those are a lot of pros and only one con.

I am Conflicted

I may be moving back home in October.

You'd think I'd be estatic....

But while I am estatic on one hand...

On the other I'm freakin out.

What if my friends don't want to talk to me?  What if I can't find a job? What it I don't get to see my husband as much as I do now?  Will I get divorced?  What if I can't make friends and I'm alone again like when we first moved to London and Dubai?

What if I have culture shock like I did when we moved to London?

What if it's not as good as I think it is?  What if it's a horrible mistake?

What will I do then?  What if I'm miserable?

My husband thinks I'm a freak and if I didn't worry about this it would be something else. 

I think I need more coffee...

It's the New Year

And I want to be independently wealthy.

I don't want to work.

I want to sleep in, dink around, maybe take some classes, do some volunteer work.

But...no trust fund, no ten's of millions of dollars of inheritance, no lottery win (so far).

Just me and a job.

Which I'm back doing for the first time in the New Year, after having the past 2 weeks off.

It was nice, did a little travel, got sick, came home early and relaxed.

I got sick in Budapest and so didn't get to see any of it except for the hotel room.  Which sucked because it was the city I was most looking forward to visiting.  I didn't even get the potato pancakes with sour cream to eat.  Oh well - life goes on...the hotel room was excellent - if I had to be sick away from home I'm glad it was there.

Anyway - I did read a LOT of books.  I love my Kindle.

I love it as much as I love my bed.